Holiday Meal Planning

This is a summary of this morning's meetings about how to prepare for the holidays.

At this morning's meetings, we discussed how the Thanksgiving meals went for everyone. While they were certainly happy occasions, there were moments of stress for the households. There is much to discuss about how to have polite and meaningful conversations, but today we focused on how we might need to prepare guests to our houses for timing and food gifts. Proper boundaries help others know your rules and expectations.

These are notes from our meeting today and they are inarticulately expressed.

When you are inviting people over to your homes, even if they are family, remind them that it is your house, your rules, and your schedule. You don't want to be very rigid in laying down the law, but you do want to communicate your expectations. After all, you are the ones who are preparing, cooking, planning, organizing, and you are not getting any rest. You will want to find a way to politely say that so they can honor your request.

In some ways, planning for a large meal is like being an event manager. Rather than leaving everything by chance and goodwill, organize and manage the outcomes directly. It will help your guests if they know the rules.

Timing

It is quite appropriate to ask people to come for appetizers by a certain time. If they are the ones to bring appetizers, make certain they can arrive before the other guests do. For instance, you do not want your brother, who always brings appetizers, to show up at 3:00 p.m. when the other guests are arriving at 1:00 p.m. The unintended consequence is that people will eat his appetizers and will then not have room for the served meal. This makes the cooks, who spent a lot of time preparing the meal, feel annoyed or "fill in the blanks."

It is helpful to set a schedule for the day and to communicate it. Find out when people can arrive and adjust what they can bring according to their visit times. For instance, you might want to tell people to come at 1:00 p.m. and that appetizers will be served at 1:30 p.m., there'll be time for watching a game, and then dinner will be served at 4:00 p.m.

Also, please note that desserts and coffee will be served at 5:00 p.m. with departures at 6:00 p.m. Of course, you want to keep this fluid, but if you give people a clue about what to expect, they know when it is time to leave. You can even pace the meal so that everyone's contributions will respected.


Meal Planning

Plan your meal a month in advance. Start planning your Thanksgiving meal by November 1st and the Christmas meal by December 1st. Assign people parts of the meal that can be helpful to you. Guide them into the ways that they can be helpful to you. After all, you are making the main portion of the dinner.

If you are cooking the turkey, let people know you will make stuffing and gravy.

Ask others to make the mashed potatoes, the squash, a cranberry plate, broccoli or brussel sprouts, green bean casserole. Their contribution does not have to be sexy; it just has to contribute to your having an easier day. Your guests want to make you happy. Ask them to contribute what you need from them. They can still add their culinary expertise to their dish. You do not have to do it all.

Your guests won't have to guess what you might want. They might not have to spend time thinking about what to get you if you simply tell them what to bring and at what time. You want to avoid have four people bring cakes when you have made three pies. You don't want two cheese platters when one will suffice. It takes some organization.

Remember that food is a gift, and gift-giving is tricky. There are always invisible strings attached.

It may feel awkward or corporate to assign parts of the meal to others, but it will become easier with practice. It helps them to know the boundaries, and good boundaries make for happy gatherings. Just think if your only cooking job was turkey, stuffing, and gravy. That means you too can spend time with family and friends or to watch the game.

Make sure you have food that is gluten-free, for diabetics, for people with allergies so that everyone can join in on the feast.

After-dinner activities

If there are particular traditions and customs you want to uphold, let your guests know about when they will be done. Gift-giving will be done at this time; caroling will precede it; eggnog and hot chocolate will be served at another time; games will be played at a particular time. We will attend mass at a particular time.

Departure

Let people know when they are expected to leave. You are tired, perhaps. Let them know you need rest. You also have to clean up, put food away, and say goodnight to the guests.

Depending upon what you want. Let people know a month in advance that they need to bring containers to take food home. It might seem generous to them that they leave their cake with you, but when you have four cakes and three pies in the house, you are going to throw much of it away. It is not your job to make sure the food gets to a food pantry. You can ask people to bring food home or not to bring as much as they do in the first place.

Enlist them in sweeping and mopping the floor, doing the dishes, tidying up the parlor and living rooms, and helping with the off-hand tasks. Ask someone to take and retrieve the coats from guests.

Let them know you need rest and you will get that rest when people leave by 6:00 p.m. Everyone will try to test boundaries because we are all exceptions, but you need to know what you want beforehand and then communicate it.


This might sound peculiar to you, but the more planning and preparation that you do, the happier you will be. The same goes for your guests. Although these are short-hand notes, remember that you are to deliver these messages in your unique style, which will make you be heard and honored.


Know what you want. Ask for it. Choose well.

A Contest, of sorts

As many of you know, I opened an art studio recently and I'm in the process of setting up a new website, printing business cards, and getting appropriate signage.

I paint in oils and watercolor and I take photographs. I sometimes paint scenes from my photographs, and I paint representational landscapes and portraits. In fact, I paint anything that strikes my fancy and I tend towards brighter colors. I try to set moods that help people contemplate and meditate so they are drawn into a deeper reality.

I try to "celebrate what is right with the world," and to find joy in the simple, minimalistic aspects of life. Our heightened senses draw us to an opportunity of meeting the divine, therefore, we must pay attention to the details in our senses and notice how we feel.

With this new endeavor in mind, let me know your ideas and suggestions for a website name, a studio name, or a short tag that describes my studio.

Either post here or send a message to predmoresj@yahoo.com.

Many thanks. 

A Night to Remember

On Friday night, I attended a mass for the deceased of the parish of our family home. The church of St. Denis in Douglas is taken from the name of the first bishop of Paris, France, and the church on Montmartre was the site of the first vows of Ignatius and his lay companions. It was a homecoming of sorts for me to return to the parish of my hometown. I was expecting to be a participant in the audience, but when I arrived at the church, my name was listed as a concelebrant. 

The mass and service of remembrance was beautiful. After the homily and before the prayers of petition, family members were called up from the congregation to light a candle in remembrance of the deceased. Some approached solemnly, some had tears streaming down their cheeks, some were in disbelief that a loved one has gone so young. I learned by older sister's classmate was among the deceased. When I talked with the people before mass, I found out some parents lost their children far too young. I learned that many people remembered me and my siblings from the days of our youth.

During the prayers, I remembered a litany of names of people who died recently. The names kept pouring forth and as the incense rose to the rafter, I felt my prayers being lifted up as well. I kept remembering more names.

After the mass, the parish bereavement group hosted a fine reception. These women were very generous and showcased their baking skills very well. Even a woman who was 102 years old baked dozens of Italian cookies. At a certain point, it is good to go home. I felt nourished.

The Studio's First Day

Well, I opened the studio and I invited people into the gallery space. I have to admit that I was sheepish saying things like, "I just moved in. I'm not quite set up," or "I'm a new painter." I was self-dismissive because it is unsettling to have someone evaluate your creations. Then I began to enjoy the people who were visiting.

I had a fairly extensive conversation with a couple from France who were visiting the city. Then a family from Italy came by for a viewing, then a charming older woman from Switzerland stopped. ya ya. Next, some Germans walked through and they said they were visiting their college-aged son. One couple from New York chatted and asked, "Why are there few people here?" I explained that the outdoor SoWa Markets closed in October and the foot traffic slows in the winter. They said, "We came up from New York to see it." I met two other families from New York who came to Boston for a holiday to escape the big City. It was fascinating to discover who was visiting.

I share the space with a studio mate who does abstract work. Several people gravitated to her work, but I also notice that many people lingered at mine. This is not a comparison because the work cannot be compared, but it at least gave me confidence to know that my work is appreciated and admired.

A teenage girl popped in and said, "I like your paintings. I like that one, that one, that one, that one, and that one, but this is my favorite." I said, "Thank you." She replied, "My sister likes museums, but I like art galleries. The people are real in the studios and you get to talk with the artists. You can't talk with anyone in the museums."

After half an hour, the girl came back with her family and said, "Of all the paintings in this studio, I had to come back and look at my favorite one." That warmed my heart.

In the nearly two hours that I spent in the gallery, 46 people stopped by for a visit. I can't wait until First Friday.

A Dream Come True

To my great delight, I just opened an art studio this weekend in Boston’s South End at 450 Harrison Avenue, Studio 201. I share the space with an abstract artist, whom I met at a MassArt painting class.

Here is the link to the site: https://www.sowaboston.com/

The artists have been hosting event on First Fridays, and we have been trying to build the “Second Sundays” as an event as well. This Sunday is a “Second Sunday” and it is a long weekend to celebrate Veterans.

I am still in the process of setting up the studio, but I am delighted for the opportunity to paint in an energizing space with a community of very kind artists. I hope to you have a chance to visit sometime.

I had three visitors my first day and the studio wasn't even open. It was fun, but also unsettling. All of a sudden, I begin to wonder, "Am I good enough? Will anyone buy anything? Why am I here with all these accomplished trained artists?? 

Then I thought, "This studio is not a measure of what I have done; it is the promise of what I will do. The goal for me is to enjoy the process of creating through paint and to work on programs that will help people pray better." Then my self-doubt subsided. 

Last night, I put the first brush of fresh paint onto my canvass and I was hooked. This is nice.