Waiting

We are in between retreats for a few days and we have much needed rain in New England. In fact, we are getting about five inches of rain in a single day. Already the grass looks greener and plants look healthier. Summer is nearing its end and there is much more new life to begin.

I wish I could have attended Ed Vacek, S.J.'s farewell liturgy and meal at Boston College. After 30 plus years, he has been asked to move on. I applaud Ed for the very many ways he has advanced the thought of many students at Weston Jesuit over the years. He is a very sound thinker and acts with compassion. He fundamental premise is that love of God come before anything else in life. How can one go wrong with this starting point. He has encouraged many people to think reflectively and to engage with the issues of the day as we search and can never find the truth. We search for God who can answer all our moral dilemmas. Many brave people will engage the struggle.

I was thinking about waiting today. We spend a great deal of our days waiting for something. If we do that, we do not live in the present, but we are a "not yet" people and have to live for something greater beyond ourselves.

The wealthy do not have to wait. They charter planes and jets to wherever and whenever they want to go; their carrier is waiting for them so they don't have to wait. Higher-end business class people don't have to wait to take their seats, but they have to wait for the rest of us to settle into steerage.

It seems that our attitude towards waiting makes the difference. If we wait for Christmas gifts, we hold ourselves in suspense that we will be surprised by the gifts we receive. When we expect good things, we can wait more patiently.

When we are not sure of the outcome of our waiting, the time can really kill us and derail us. It floors me even when I anticipate a very good outcome. It raises us our neediness and our longing for acceptance. It challenges our esteem. It melts into the core of who we are and it can erode our good countenance - even when we know that all will work out for the good in the end.

Even if we trust in God we want to have some semblance of order and dignity in our waiting. We expect to wait for a certain amount of time, but when it goes way beyond our expectations, we lose heart. We may become irritable as we expect a different level of respect. We think we have done something wrong or are not worthy of proper treatment.

It is difficult to transfrom our anxious waiting into wonder and hopeful expectation. It is a place where our heart rules our mind; it is a time in which our mind needs to rule our hearts.

And we wait. And we hear to external voices to affirm us. And we hope and we wait for the silent whisper. And we dream so they our thoughts don't become nightmares. We want to be wanted and accepted and included. Waiting derails us.

How much of our time is spent waiting. Am I able to live for the day in front of me? Am I able to see the gifts offered to me so that I can receive them in gratitude and joy?

Shh! Wait! Learn to embrace.